If…

If my mind could forge a thought to be thunk

My mouth would have trouble releasing such dribble

Life is not linear yet winding in most ways

Flipping my insides until they’re strewn outside

My mouth would have trouble releasing such dribble

For my heart endures parity wrecked bass and treble

Flipping my insides until they’re strewn outside

Refusing the malady and melancholy of others I contrive to unwind

For my heart endures parity wrecked bass and treble

Bending my ear to my lowest space listening for melody’s pace

Refusing the malady and melancholy of others I contrive to unwind

For at my center is my soul made whole

Bending my ear to my lowest space listening for melody’s pace

Life is not linear yet unwinding in most ways

For at my center is my soul made whole

If my mind could forge a thought to be thunk

(C) CM 2019

Into Your Eyes

Removed

Discouraged

Your eyes tell me more than your words can say

 

Downcast

Withdrawn

My heart feels the pain of yours

Swollen

Darting

My eyes are awakening in the dark

 

Fierce

Resolved

My mind shifts to where you are

 

Looking into your eyes

I saw the pain

Seeing the depth of the well

I knew far too well

 

Setting my will to think

You will not sink

For you I will not lose

You are not alone

 

I have looked

Into your eyes

And saw your truth

(c) Cecilia Myles

What Could I Have Done?

I remember in the beginning…

Lost and alone

I braved the world as it shown

Resolved that I had nothing to gain

Looking into your eyes, you found hope again

That maybe there was love to be discovered

And maintained

Through the years

I struggled to keep up

Blow after blow

Slapped down

Kicked around

Barely a breath retained

I searched for your eyes

Hoping that they would speak as they had before

They glimmered as a light with a shortage

Dimming light that had now become unsure

What could I have done?

For what I did

There was no sure thing

I knew this too well

Yet I had hoped that my life would serve you well

It seems that I have failed

Are you better for the hope that I regained?

Are you better for the sacrifice?

What Could I Have Done…

I’ll wait for the final reveal

Think It Through

It is astonishing the ease in which you can miss the truth even when it is visible. We’re taught to keep our eyes open yet rarely are we taught what to look for. If your eyes are open, what should you look for? A hungry person with their eyes open may look for food. Yet if they were fed, would they be better off with the food or is the opportunity to learn to feed themselves a better response despite the investment of time needed? Despite our circumstances, we hunger for something else and sometimes we just do not know what to ask for; yet we are clear on what we do not want.

It’s great to know what you do not want yet how do you determine what you do want? Most people would begin to look at superficial details or far-reaching ideas when the simplest opportunities are right before them. Choosing to think differently and take different corresponding actions requires intention and disciplined thought. In a society of heavy pressure to make quick decisions, time is on your side. Take the time you need to consider your options and think out the various ways things can unfold. Carve out your space to breathe and recognize that while time has passed, your life and your future are still being revealed. For every action, there is a reaction. Be careful to choose wisely.

Ecclesiastes 8:5b ESV – ‘…and the wise heart will know the proper time and the just way.’

Looking toward the rising sun, Ceci 

Boy O Boy!

When I started this blog, I thought that I was ready to articulate inspiration without exposing too much of me. What I am realizing is that real expression is not possible without exposure untethered.  I’m a woman, wife, mother and so many other roles that they tend to mesh into a blob of “ugh”. My best intentions aren’t always realized and the outcomes I do realize appear to me as a faint glimpse of the thought I initially started with.

My best intention when I found out I was pregnant with my first son 16 years ago was to raise a young man that loved God and lived out his life’s purpose with passion, good to himself as well as others. The first five to six years was amazing! And then, challenges occurred that seemed to cause my fears to manifest. Sadly, I acted out of fear making things worse (note – being a parent before you have lived means kids suffer from your ignorance regardless of intentions). Round about him turning 9 years old, I realized that I had become afraid of what would happen to him, if he continued in his way and I stayed in fear while parenting, my son could possibly never live the abundant life promised through Christ (John 10:10 kjv). So, I switched gears and faced my fear, prayed repentance and faith, put my faith to work and charted a new course. Instead of being frozen by my own past and observations of failures by others, I would do things differently by being proactive and informed.

I interacted differently with my son’s teachers observing their teaching styles in light of my son’s learning style. His initial school had healthy representation of  male figures and constantly researched and consulted professionals on several fronts. Eventually my son was diagnosed with some impairments and this is when things seemed to get better which was a really set up for the worst. Scripture says better the end of a thing than its beginning (paraphrased – Ecclesiastes 7:8 kjv) well, I haven’t seen the end yet and I choose to believe in this promised fact because what I face today is emotionally and mentally overwhelming. I must believe because I never thought I would see, hear or experience my son saying and doing what he is now saying and doing at 16. My son was born after three girls, his smile as a child made me cry with joy because he had captured my heart in a way that I could never fully explain. So for me, I am in anguish over this temporal yet staunch reality that I live by faith in who my son is as he becomes who he chooses to be.

In life, my face is sure and unflinching when having to deal with issues as they arise yet I wail and cry out to God as I experience the pain of rejection, blame and deceit lashed upon me. My son’s many physicians and therapists reassure that its not him but the dysfunction. The danger of functioning from this assertion (for me) is the fairy tale absolution that his dysfunction has him versus he has a dysfunction. My son is not impaired to think for himself and make decisions so I can’t blame a dysfunction and excuse the behavior, (for me) that is enabling. If there was no God and no medicine to help my him, then I would function from this assertion that the dysfunction has him but that is not the case. When a person has an incurable disease, we accept the outcome (symptoms, behavior, etc.) that they may exude. But when a person has a treatable disease and they don’t take the treatment such as people who allow for worsening health conditions instead of taking medicine, we say that this is folly. This is how I frame my understanding. My son’s condition requires a different approach to managing his life yet he can still have a viable and well lived long life! Circumventing his need to participate actively in managing his life responsibly would, in my opinion, shorten that life.

The way that I face this reality is by acknowledging the choices and resulting actions, face the pain that allows me to stay actively and constantly engaged in forgiving my son. This helps me exercise caution and wisdom concerning him AND still love him wholeheartedly. I don’t know how long it will take him to mature, become rational and responsible yet until then, I must hold the line to preserve myself and sanity. I remember hearing my mom and her friends say, “You’ll see when its your turn!”…Boy O Boy!